Over the past two weekends, I have been attending weddings. At one I was a participant; for the second I was an observer. One was filled with religious symbols and quotes while the other consciously bypassed these things to focus on the life of the people involved and those who gathered to celebrate. One was simple in its design and execution. The other was more pronounced in its pageantry. This post will not be a discussion of the overall choices of these two couples in how they planned their wedding. Instead, I want to focus on a verse that is often quoted at weddings (1 Corinthians 13), and how its use in weddings has influenced our interpretation, or misinterpretation.
As I started putting my thoughts together I realized that I had a quite a bit to say, and so there will be multiple posts surrounding this topic. Though I have planned ahead to what I will say in the following posts, the comments received will be incorporated into those future writings as a way of carrying forward a conversation. I hope you who read this as it comes out will help me create a conversation instead of a monologue. No one wants just a monologue.
If you, like me, grew up in Church you probably heard how the Greek language used in the writing of the New Testament has at least three words in its lexicon that describe love. Words such as eros, phileo, and agape make their way into sermons, books, songs, and blog posts from time to time, and even before I went and actually studied Greek I had a rough meaning of those definitions solely because of my time in Church. I know now, as I reasoned then, that my life as a Christian should reflect agape-love as that is the love displayed in the life of Jesus Christ. Just as I learned that while Philadelphia may be named for the idea of brotherly love, its sports fans rarely show it. (Sorry, just had to get a dig in there about sports fans.)
However, it was only at weddings, or that one youth retreat that focused on sexual purity, that I heard 1 Corinthians 13 quoted out loud. And it was only in situations where the focus of discussion centered on sexual ethics where we actually studied the interpretation of this passage. I remember, and have even participated in, moments where this verse is read over beaming couples who are declaring their love for each other. But there was never any real work at applying this verse in those places. It was like an incantation that was supposed to happen at Christian weddings, and it happened so often that by the time I got married, we decided to read something else.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard the reading of “The Love Chapter” so many times that they almost quote along with the reader. In fact, I’ve made a game of trying to figure out what version of the Bible they are reading by the slight differences I can pick out from my memory. It’s sad, I know. The point is that such singular use of these particular passage of Scripture creates an interpretation that goes with it. This kind of love the Apostle Paul is writing about here is the love found in a truly God-centered marriage. It’s our spouse who deserves our patience, kindness, etc.
But is that what Paul is trying to tell us?
When we look at the larger context of 1 Corinthians, it doesn’t seem that the Apostle credited for writing two-thirds of the Christian Testament is talking about weddings and marriage at all. Now, it’s true that in 1 Corinthians Paul speaks about interpersonal relationships like marriage, but not around this passage. In the chapter immediately before chapter thirteen, we find writings about spiritual gifts and the organization of the Body of Christ. Chapter eleven’s first half speaks of relationships between husbands and wives, but mainly in reference to how they comport themselves in worship, which is immediately followed with instructions on the Lord’s Supper and what abuses of that ordinance look like.
In chapter fourteen, the Corinthian church is given counsel concerning the speaking of tongues in worship. Some Baptists like to get all in a tizzy about glossolalia, but that’s not my bailiwick. But once Paul is finished with speaking in tongues, he goes on to give more instruction of what orderly worship looks like. Then, he speaks of resurrection, the eschaton (end-times), and then closes out the letter talking about offerings and travel plans.
The point is, marriage is not the focus of the book.
Therefore, marriage is not the focus of chapter 13.
Paul doesn’t say, “When you get married, this is how you are supposed to love your spouse…”
Instead, it seems Paul is saying that when we love, as we have been called to love by Jesus, then we are supposed to love like 1 Corinthians 13 tells us. It would seem that Paul was making his own definition for agape long before a confused teenager in a youth group in north Texas would start asking questions about it. It just turns out my interpretation of the text was too small. I had only heard it at weddings and so I only applied it to marriage. In fact, as a straight man, I only applied that kind of love to a certain few women who were in a specific kind of relationship with me.
This is where I think we have all gotten it wrong. Turns out this isn’t some special kind of love in the sense that we only share it with our spouses. Instead, it is a special love because we are meant to pour it out of our lives indiscriminately, like our God does. It’s special because it is supposed to touch everyone and everything we come around. 1 Corinthians 13 love changes the world precisely there are no limits on who should receive it from us. We weren’t totally wrong, just too small. And it took a couple of weddings for me to figure that out.
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