On 1 Corinthians 13: Love is Kind

                                                                    Photo courtesy of Wikemedia

In my last post, which was way too long ago (thanks youth camp), I started a discussion on how we could re-interpret “The Love Chapter” away from weddings and back into our everyday existence as Jesus-followers. You can read the entire post here, and I hope you do. It’s important to discuss what our love is supposed to look like since we are told, “they will know you are my disciples by the way you love one another,” and “God is love.” When such descriptions from our Scriptures are limited to only small portions of our existence, such as marriage, we run the risk of not fully engaging with the faith to which we are called.

This time, I would like to take one of the descriptors from Paul’s words and unpack it, and there is a very good reason for why the starting part is “love is kind.” For most of my personal experience with faith the question of how and when we are to confront those things in the world that damage human relationships, typically called sin, the conversation always expands into multiple tactics of response. Scripture is quoted often, especially from the writings of Paul, with such nuggets as, “All Scripture…is useful for correction.” While trying to not sound dismissive it must be recognized that often this turns into a contest of who can quote the most Bible passages to support their position. Often, the context of those passages, or their overall cohesive voice, is not considered; just how much you can pile upon your side and how accurate your sourcing can be. 

At the same time, Christianity in America has been trying to confront different challenges to its tradition. Topics such as the role of women in leadership, race, war, immigration, marriage equality, social justice, and Biblical inerrancy, just to name a few, can spark controversy that tears apart relationships, congregations, and denominations with incredible power. Different personalities rise to the top of different camps as the conflicts unfold. Wisdom is often replaced with invective as words are exchanged between beliefs that become ideologies. In the end a purity test is created and stark, bright lines are drawn in order to highlight who is in and who is out. Some examples of recent memory, but in no way an exhaustive list, are what happened to Eugene Peterson just a couple of weeks ago, the blowback to WorldVision a couple of years ago, and the dismissal of Rob Bell a few years before that.

No matter the topic, when questioned as to the chosen rhetoric which is so willing to dismiss supposed offenders the phrase “tough love” is used often; the idea that they are showing love by freely and openly telling someone that they are wrong, and therefore outside of the grace of God. The hope is that by being so straightforward the offending party will suddenly realize the error of their ways and immediately return to the ideological fold. 

With Eugene Peterson and World Vision, it seems to have worked. 

With Rob Bell, not so much.

It seems, however, that none of these discussions value the idea that “love is kind.” When Westboro Baptist Church protests a funeral for dead military personnel there is little kindness in what they are saying. When protesters hold up signs condemning theological decisions from denominational bodies proclamations of eternal judgment usually appear. When op-eds are written about the decisions of pastors, rarely are they considerate of the person’s history or their faithfulness over a long tenure of ministry. In short, while I will not say that they do not love, I will say that they are not kind. 

One of the immediate responses when ire was focused on them was for book stores to cease selling their books. Immediately after whatever their controversial remarks were, huge chains, such as LifeWay, threatened to remove all of their books. For Peterson, maybe that had something to do with his correction, or clarification of earlier comments if you prefer. For people like Rob Bell, Jen Hatmaker, and Rachel Held Evans, their outlets are now much more limited. Articles appeared on blogs and Christian news sites proclaiming that their work could no longer be taught or recommended by real Christians because the writers had strayed so far.

These stories are the public ones that we see, but there are others who very few ever hear. I could even tell stories from my personal experience where a disagreement over theology has led some to question my faith, or whether or not I am actually a Christian. Choices made based on a need to maintain purity rarely consider the implications of loving kindness. 

Can there be love without kindness?

1 Peter says, “Above all, maintain constant love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

Maybe that is why “the love chapter” is only applied to marriage. In our marriages, we try and cover over those small slights and shallow cuts to our hearts that come when two people join their lives together. We are not perfect after all, and so all our relationships are going to have those moments where they cause us pain. If we were to expand the application of 1 Corinthians 13 to all the aspects of our existence we might have to admit that some of us were wrong when we dismissed those who thought or believed differently from us. If we were kind, we might find a way to truly love those who don’t hold to our ideological purity. 

Man, wouldn’t that be something?

On 1 Corinthians 13: What I Learned At Weddings

Over the past two weekends, I have been attending weddings. At one I was a participant; for the second I was an observer. One was filled with religious symbols and quotes while the other consciously bypassed these things to focus on the life of the people involved and those who gathered to celebrate. One was simple in its design and execution. The other was more pronounced in its pageantry. This post will not be a discussion of the overall choices of these two couples in how they planned their wedding. Instead, I want to focus on a verse that is often quoted at weddings (1 Corinthians 13), and how its use in weddings has influenced our interpretation, or misinterpretation. 

As I started putting my thoughts together I realized that I had a quite a bit to say, and so there will be multiple posts surrounding this topic. Though I have planned ahead to what I will say in the following posts, the comments received will be incorporated into those future writings as a way of carrying forward a conversation. I hope you who read this as it comes out will help me create a conversation instead of a monologue. No one wants just a monologue.

If you, like me, grew up in Church you probably heard how the Greek language used in the writing of the New Testament has at least three words in its lexicon that describe love. Words such as eros, phileo, and agape make their way into sermons, books, songs, and blog posts from time to time, and even before I went and actually studied Greek I had a rough meaning of those definitions solely because of my time in Church. I know now, as I reasoned then, that my life as a Christian should reflect agape-love as that is the love displayed in the life of Jesus Christ. Just as I learned that while Philadelphia may be named for the idea of brotherly love, its sports fans rarely show it. (Sorry, just had to get a dig in there about sports fans.)

However, it was only at weddings, or that one youth retreat that focused on sexual purity, that I heard 1 Corinthians 13 quoted out loud. And it was only in situations where the focus of discussion centered on sexual ethics where we actually studied the interpretation of this passage. I remember, and have even participated in, moments where this verse is read over beaming couples who are declaring their love for each other. But there was never any real work at applying this verse in those places. It was like an incantation that was supposed to happen at Christian weddings, and it happened so often that by the time I got married, we decided to read something else. 

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has heard the reading of “The Love Chapter” so many times that they almost quote along with the reader. In fact, I’ve made a game of trying to figure out what version of the Bible they are reading by the slight differences I can pick out from my memory. It’s sad, I know. The point is that such singular use of these particular passage of Scripture creates an interpretation that goes with it. This kind of love the Apostle Paul is writing about here is the love found in a truly God-centered marriage. It’s our spouse who deserves our patience, kindness, etc.

But is that what Paul is trying to tell us?

When we look at the larger context of 1 Corinthians, it doesn’t seem that the Apostle credited for writing two-thirds of the Christian Testament is talking about weddings and marriage at all. Now, it’s true that in 1 Corinthians Paul speaks about interpersonal relationships like marriage, but not around this passage. In the chapter immediately before chapter thirteen, we find writings about spiritual gifts and the organization of the Body of Christ. Chapter eleven’s first half speaks of relationships between husbands and wives, but mainly in reference to how they comport themselves in worship, which is immediately followed with instructions on the Lord’s Supper and what abuses of that ordinance look like. 

In chapter fourteen, the Corinthian church is given counsel concerning the speaking of tongues in worship. Some Baptists like to get all in a tizzy about glossolalia, but that’s not my bailiwick. But once Paul is finished with speaking in tongues, he goes on to give more instruction of what orderly worship looks like. Then, he speaks of resurrection, the eschaton (end-times), and then closes out the letter talking about offerings and travel plans. 

The point is, marriage is not the focus of the book. 

Therefore, marriage is not the focus of chapter 13.

Paul doesn’t say, “When you get married, this is how you are supposed to love your spouse…”

Instead, it seems Paul is saying that when we love, as we have been called to love by Jesus, then we are supposed to love like 1 Corinthians 13 tells us. It would seem that Paul was making his own definition for agape long before a confused teenager in a youth group in north Texas would start asking questions about it. It just turns out my interpretation of the text was too small. I had only heard it at weddings and so I only applied it to marriage. In fact, as a straight man, I only applied that kind of love to a certain few women who were in a specific kind of relationship with me.

This is where I think we have all gotten it wrong. Turns out this isn’t some special kind of love in the sense that we only share it with our spouses. Instead, it is a special love because we are meant to pour it out of our lives indiscriminately, like our God does. It’s special because it is supposed to touch everyone and everything we come around. 1 Corinthians 13 love changes the world precisely there are no limits on who should receive it from us. We weren’t totally wrong, just too small. And it took a couple of weddings for me to figure that out.