Dear Church,
I must admit that I am not normally the one to write something like this. There have been letters from writers of higher esteem like Rachel Held Evans, Shane Claiborne, or any of a host of people at patheos.com have already responded to such generational issues. However, I want to participate in this discussion, because It’s starting to get under my skin, and as a servant of God’s Church, I am invested in our future.
Said future looks rather uncertain at the moment. Ever since research, from the Pew Foundation or other groups, said that my generation was largely turning its collective back on the Church, leaders have been asking, and congregations begging, for ministries to reach Millennials. My wife, for instances, was called to a local church with the expressed prerogative of creating a ministry for young adults from whole cloth. She is one of the most creative, and relational, people I have ever met, and so I have no doubt that she can do this.
In order to accomplish that task her church, and the Church in general, need to have a conversation over what is said and believed about Millennials in the Church. That’s why I am writing this. Not just for her, but for myself because I am both a Millennial and a minister. My service in the beloved community is affected by your words, and so is my relationship. As I continue to walk this path before me, it becomes more and more difficult to stay with the people already in God’s Church.
Often, that difficulty comes when people talk about my generation as inherently lazy, or entitled. Often, this remark contains some sort of slight at how many of us are returning to our parents after we graduate from college, or some there time during our twenties of thirties. If it’s not the image of a young person returning to their parents, it’s how we received “participation” trophies from our sports leagues as children. It’s stated as an obvious fact that if we didn’t have the experience of competing for things, then we just do not understand the value of hard work. Sometimes, that leads into talking about our screen addiction, or how we are too tolerant, or theologically unengaged, or unable to handle criticism.
It’s not that these are new stereotypes that I have never heard before, but it I just can’t bear it any longer. As one of the Millennial generation, although one of the older ones, these stereotypes have begun to rub through my defenses like a piece of sand paper. Maybe it was only a matter of time, or maybe I was hiding in a hole and remained oblivious to these postings. However it happened, these points have started to have an impact on me, and I can only assume they have an impact on others. What were meant as sincere attempts at either humorous anecdotes or earnest pleas for correction carry with them another message that may not be intended, but is nevertheless powerful. That unintended message is what I hope can be brought to the fore.
When I see these videos, or read these articles, my first question is, “why would I or anyone else who identifies as a Millennial want to participate in the Church?” It seems so unwelcoming to be in a place that says it wants you, but then to be told you are lazy, entitled, technology addicted, feckless, flaky, or unable to handle criticism. There is an inherent conflict in this message. If the Church wants to talk about how much it needs my generation, it would be counter-productive to then turn around and paint the generation as unworthy. Why would I want to belong to such a church?
Of course, maybe I’m only saying these things because I “don’t take criticism well.” However, I can’t even comment on what I am hearing or how I am emotionally processing this, because that would be to fight back against potential criticism, which is what trips the idea that I don’t take it well. If you would allow me a moment of snark, maybe I can make my point a little more clearly. It’s difficult for me to take many of these statements against Millennials seriously. I mean, why is my fault that I received a Participation trophy during little league sports? I wasn’t on the board of the league that came up with the trophies, my parents were. Why is it my fault that I use screens so much? I didn’t invent the internet, iPod, or social media, nor did I fill the Church with screens, employ prodigious use of the internet for worship, or start the push for a more “hip” church; my parents generation did. Why am I lazy for going back to my parents because I can’t afford to live on my own? My generation didn’t author or pass the legislation that lead to the Great Recession, nor are we the majority of job creators in our society. But I’m just whining because I “don’t take criticism well.”
The biggest obstacle to overcome in terms of the Church and Millennials reaching a point of reconciliation is the fact that there is no ground for a conversation, currently. No one likes criticism. Especially when the things that require the most intense scrutiny are the things that are closest to our hearts or our perceptions of being. Being dismissive of each other will never heal the Church, and to say the Church is in need of healing is not an overreaction. If we want to discuss brokenness, this is a great place to start. Our relationships between the generations are broken, and that will harm us more than anything. If we can’t relate from one generation to another, then there is little hope of a future for the Church. It’s not the first time we have had to overcome generational differences, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. But dismissing me while trying to draw me in will not heal the divide.
May we find a better future.
Sincerely,
One of your Beloved Children.
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